Sunday, July 26, 2009

Good experiment

My Intro to Psychology professor Benny Hunziker(spelling is not correct here I know) would be proud to know I continue to be fascinated by the social behavior of people. I know that it is not everyday that a woman sports a metallic pink magna doodle in a bar as she attempts to converse with her friend. But, hey...that doesn't mean she is a liar. Most people just kindly stare and nudge the person next to them "Hey look at that wack job?" or someone might come up and say "Hey whatcha drawing?" It's actually a great conversation starter if the right person comes up to you. On the other hand when a crazy drunk 60+ fella comes over and decides it is his mission in life to discredit the mute, well...that's too much. And that's how the night went, lovely conversation with friend, interruption by onlooker "What the heck is this?", lovely conversation with friend, interruption by onlooker "She must be lying I don't see a scar.", lovely conversation with friend, onlooker takes magna doodle and writes own message to me on it-Hellllloooooo I can hear I just can't talk duh? It's a whole lotta work I just don't know if it's worth it. Ugh!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

I've had all I can stands...

"I've had all I can stands and I can't stands no more!"(Popeye) I need more than spinach to get me through this.

I know it was a woman who invented summer camp. Well, I should say I think that because I am at the breaking point. She knew what she was doing, ship 'em out and save your sanity. I wish I had the funds for summer camp. No matter what I suggest it is not more fun than the Wii. And I'm not allowing the Wii on a sunny summer day. Pool? Good for about 30 minutes tops. Swingset? 30. Walking the dog? 45 mins. Playground? 30minutes. The other stuff costs major money. Have you gone bowling lately? Or to play putt, putt? Geeeeesh!

God forbid I try to do some laundry while clouds and rain surround us. They want me to entertain them 24/7. Why can't you- read a book...clean your room...color(ya know the thing with crayons and a pre-made picture, been around FOREVER) They act like I'm asking them to solve the economic problem in this country or to scrub the toilets.

I know things are different now but I remember waking up on a summer day early, putting on my bathing suit under my clothes (just in case a kind friend invited me to swim) hopped on my bike and be gone ALL DAY. I could always find something to occupy my time. These two boys of mine are "bored" no matter what hoops I jump through. I'm exhausted and I have been bumped up to speaking for 5 mins. per hour but it is very uncomfortable. My throat is sore and it's making me cranky.

I would like to run away for a nice long 4 day weekend just for me, but I'm broke so I'll just hop on my swing in the backyard with a glass of wine and pretend I guess. Deep breaths count to 10.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Not gonna catch me Coppah!

So yeah the Johnny Depp movie rubbed off on me a little. Baby Face Bilyo and the Roth Girls were heading for an adventurous afternoon. We were dressed to the nines and we knew it. Nothing was gonna stop us from making our hit. Destination: Clymer, NY St. Matthias Church. Quaint little chapel surrounded by a cornfield. With GPS in hand Carrie navigated from the backseat and Steph with mapquest directions in hand assisted from the front. I drove the get away car. My mission: get us there on time(yes we were cutting it close) Country back roads led the way, very stealth mission-in and out and nobody gets hurt. Pay attention to speed limit signs? Please? Why would we do that? We were too busy looking for Route 21 and you know country roads for the most part are 55. Well, not this one, 30 here, 45 here, back to 30(we noticed this after the lights were blazing behind us).

Yep, with lights a blazin the fuzz bore down on us. I pulled over well before the sirens blared, no need for more attention we were trying to keep a low profile. The officer cautiously came up along side the vehicle, checking in the windows upon approach. I had my white board perched on my lap ready for communication. He said "Hi there Ladies!" I waved and bit my lip. Steph stepped in and relayed the important information "She wants me to let you know she cannot speak due to a surgical procedure". He looked confused but went with it. He asked sternly, "Do you know why I pulled you over? I wrote guessing speed? I was looking for the County Route 21 sign and I didn't see a speed limit sign. He said, "That is exactly why I pulled you over I had you clocked at 53 in a 30." We all gasped a little, YIKES. I figured I was going 45 but whatever. He took my license and registration and went to run it through the system. I hoped there weren't any warrants out for me. (Hey, ya never know)

The officer returned about 5 minutes later shaking his head, not a good sign to me. He spoke slowly and with defeat..." I can't believe I'm gonna do this but I'm going to let you go with a verbal warning. Just slow down, please slow way down." Then he helped us with directions and sent us on our way. Phew..... very lucky, I know this all too well. My brother(the cop) would have given me 2 tickets just to teach me a lesson. I signed sorry and thank you to the kind officer. We were off...

Got to the wedding in just the nick of time. It was a beautiful ceremony. The bride was a vision. The priest was had a very thick accent and at one point Lexy, who sat to my left, reached in my purse to get the mini magna doodle to offer it to him for clarification. It was hysterical! We then got lost(again) for a few minutes but regrouped, refocused, reprogrammed and we were on our way to the reception. We all needed a drink at this point!

Reception was nice, everything looked so beautiful and the food was fabulous! We danced, we drank something I'm pretty sure was borderline moonshine(had the headache to prove it and I didn't even have that much) and I kept my big mouth shut. Guests kept coming up to Carrie and Steph saying, "And why doesn't your friend speak?" It didn't keep me from dancing and lip syncing. Good times, good times. I wonder what other trouble I can cause over the next two weeks ;)

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

And the Doctor said...

He said I could speak for 1 min/hour for the rest of this week. What? Things like...yes...no...please...thank you ...and an occasional...pass the butter. Who says that anyhow? Wally and the Beaver maybe on re-runs. Does this guy know who he is dealing with? I am no mere amateur fella. I have been a professional gabber since birth. I can't get by with those few words for that short of time without taking it too far, it is easier to just stay a complete mute. It's gonna take a lot of self control-YIKES!

Lab results were clear, no cancer. Yahoo! Maybe my luck is turning around. I have resorted to using a referee whistle to call the boys in from outdoors and for when I mean business. It works like a charm.

As always thanks for reading friends and I hope to say thank you, or please or pass the butter to you very soon.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The puppet master

While trying to converse with my 5 year old, Cody( who doesn't read yet) I began to act it out charade style. His comment "Ok puppet and what will you do for your next trick?" He never did get what I was trying to say but what was the point by then right?

I go to the Doctor tomorrow to find out how things are healing and what the lab said about the nodules. Fingers crossed please. The Doc doesn't think they are cancerous but the way my life has been going ya just never know.

Off to play putt putt and drive some go carts this afternoon with the boys and my niece Gabby who is saving me this week. She is my voice and I love her!

Sunday, July 12, 2009

aahhhhh the movies

Yep, everyone is supposed to be quiet at the movies. I felt very normal, except for when my friend Susie asked me a question and I needed to whip out my handy dandy metalic pink mini magna doodle to scribe my answer in crafty shorthand(cuz it is small enough to fit in my purse) and a 9 year old kid looked at me like I was a freak. Yeah, jealous kid-Target clearance rack $3.43.

On the up side, the young man at Starbucks chuckled at the neatly scribed-grande peppermint mocha frap please-and then felt very bad so he offered to give me my drink for free. I would not have it, no hand outs here. Thank you very much. (I had a gift card, hee hee-not my money anyhow) And when my friend Dave made a wise ass comment about my quiet nature "I can still kick UR ass" fit just nicely in the 4 X 6 magna doodle screen.

Also, it is nice to know that the good ole fashion "bird" is still the universal sign language we all carry around with us. Driving just can't be accomplished without it, it gets the job done. Those teenagers were driving slower then my grandmother on a good day and I had to get somewhere, geeesh!

Oh I got skill people, I can still do my thang! Well....sorta :(

My boys come back to me in the morning, I'm gonna squeeze them to death!

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Everybody shut up!

Did that get any one's attention? I'm starting to get all worked up about it, this silence thing. Everyone else just carelessly uses the gift of speech left and right. Who do they think they are anyhow, helllllloooooo mute here!

I know crazy ranting does nothing. Sorry. I have noticed that much like a person who loses one sense, the others make up for it. (Yes I know speaking is not a sense but I can't make my point without using it as such.)

My hearing has become very acute. The bionic woman had nothing on me right now. I hear everything and I wish the dog had the surgery with me, yikes! It is extremely annoying and I'm thinking I have missed alot these great many years with my yapper flapping nonstop. So...I will learn from this. Listen more, speak less. You can all stop shouting AMEN, I hear you!

Friday, July 10, 2009

Silent Observer

Yep, that is what is has come down to. Silent observer, that's me. Some people call it stalking but I prefer the clinical term.

Only thing worth reporting from my perch in the backyard along the scenic Erie Canal- "Duck Woman". She resembles the beloved character from Walt Disney's Mary Poppins, the Pigeon Lady. Feed the birds and all that...you know the one.

She struts down the canal at a pace any speed walker would be jealous of. Wearing her white baseball cap, shorts and cardigan sweater. Her call is loud and proud, a screech at times for all to hear. The first day I thought she lost her dog and was calling for it but oh no... "Duckies! Here, Duckies!" Over and over again she calls. In her long skinny arms she carries two pillowcase sized satchels full of what I now know is crushed corn etc. (on my run yesterday I investigated-I am nothing if not thourough) a duck's delight. She stops every 30-40 paces at the edge of the canal waiting for her pets to answer to her call. A momma and her 3 ducklings swim over and they are pelted with no less then 12, yes 12 heavy handfuls from the pillowcases. They "duck" for cover, swim away and then try to return before the treasures sink below the surface to the fish below. They get a little, not much. Then she is off again, 30-40 paces, stop, repeat. About 45 minutes later she returns, sacks empty, broad smile accross her face. She even gave me an energetic wave yesterday. She has her job. Her purpose. She's happy.

Who am I to judge? I'm just a cute mute passing time slowly in my 3ft tall kiddie pool.

Peace out!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Stir crazy!

Yes I'm going a little stir crazy and today was my first day on my own, so that's not a good sign. I didn't feel like venturing out on my own just yet. So I ended up doing all the laundry in the house and read for an hour outside. It was a little chilly out there though. I also managed to take a 3 mile run. It actually felt really good. Normal.

I can't say sleeping was better last night though, I woke every 4 hours. Not sure why other than I really needed a drink of water each time. My throat was soooooo dry. Food is starting to taste better but it's not easy to chew or swallow yet. The kicker is I have not lost one pound! Whatever!

Tomorrow morning I am getting out of this house! I'm gonna go on a photo shoot. I'll be the crazy tourist looking woman who doesn't speak, just smiles as she snaps and snaps and snaps. Ha, ha! Then I will sit by the pool for the afternoon and work on my tan. I'm going to start thinking of this as "vacation" rather than "recovery".

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Getting bored with this whole thing and it's only day 2

Tried to sleep in but sleeping was difficult last night. Still a lot of jaw and tongue pain and swallowing is not fun at all. I tried to sleep in a little later (10 AM) but it wasn't good sleep. Know what I mean? I want to yawn all the time but I can't because it is too painful. So I got up got dressed and took my mom for a pedicure. A little pampering was nice. Then we took the dog for a pawicure, why not? I read for a little while and tried to nap, I'm not a good napper though aaaahhhhh those days in college when Jen, Jan and I would take a nap before a big night out are GONE! So I will turn in early tonight.

One funny thing I have noticed. Yesterday people were speaking loudly and slowly. Today they smile and look away like I have a contagious disease. It's like the psychology experiments my friend Kim and I used to have to do in College. I could write a paper, but I won't.

Some days will be boring friends, let's face it my life is not exciting. But it feels better to write it down. I'm bored to death with this not talking business.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Already spoke, darn it!

I made it through the recovery room but once I was on my own...oh well. The dog was following me up the stairs and of course I said "stay", I knew I should have gotten rid of that dog last week. Anyway, surgery went well. The Doctor was able to use the laser to remove the nodules. 2 hour surgery but they kept me there for what seemed like forever afterward. (not really, I was home by 2 PM) Killer headache, jaw pain, I can't stop peeing and I smell like the anesthesia--I know TMI and gross- oh well. Stop reading now, I'm sure it will only get worse with time.

The funniest thing came after surgery though. Everyone knew I was under "strict voice restriction" it was posted EVERYWHERE. So anyone who spoke to me ended up shouting at me and speaking very slowly as if I were deaf. I started laughing which I then had to stop, of course. It was a very TV comedy moment.

I would like to thank all the well wishers from Facebook etc. and send a HUGE thank you to my Mom and Dad. They woke up really early this morning, waited for me for a good portion of the day, drove me back and forth, got the prescriptions and continue to take care of me as I lay around here at home. So thank you Mom and Dad, I am very lucky to have you here with me and I know it.

Stay tuned, I'm sure that there will be more to tell, if anyone cares that is.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Twas the night before surgery

Twas the night before surgery and Melissa was frantically cleaning the house.
Why? Because it took her mind off the impending dread that the morning would bring that's why.

Well, how did I spend my last day of speaking? I talked to every family member and friend possible, sang to every song on the radio in the car, yelled at the dog, hummed, whistled, whispered etc. the whole kit and caboodle. I did my nodules proud. And it felt damn good. I even recorded my voice so that when I can finally speak I can compare the two. When my son Cody had his tonsils out he sounded like he was sucking helium forever so I am curious what I will eventually sound like. The Doc promises I will be able sing afterward(yes he did comment that he was not a miracle worker so he hoped I could sing prior-ha ha everyone is a comedian)

I'm nervous and worried and wished that a prescription of valum had been given. It wasn't so I am having my last meal of the night 10:15 PM and heading off to sleep. (let's be realistic, I will be rearranging my closet at about 2 AM-I won't be able to sleep)

Surgery is at 8:45 keep those fingers crossed.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Tear jerker of a night...

So the boys are going with their dad for a week because of the surgery. Since I won't be able to speak for 7 full days and then only sigh and yawn for the next several days it makes perfect sense. But I am used to seeing my boys every day, well almost every day. When we are away for long periods(long for me is a weekend) we call every night to say goodnight. I won't be able to do that the whole week they are gone and it is killing me to think of it. Sooooo...tonight I sat and wrote letters to them I am calling "Nitey Nite Notes". I know you think I'm queer, I don't care-these are my kids, they are my heart. They will hopefully open one for every night that we are away from each other and I hope that they will feel how much I love them. I hope that they have fun of course and the time flies for them, and for me. I cried thinking about it and then my wonderful friend Jenn Starr, the true star that she is to me, phoned. As if on cue(which is so like her) she had a story about going on a blind date (guy #5-she can work it!) and while they were walking down a street chatting and gazing into each other's eyes, she slammed into a pole. Yes SLAM! She made me laugh so hard the tears fell again, this time with a smile. Thanks Jenn!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

My kid is a riot...

Jake has been asking all kinds of questions about the surgery etc. He says to me tonight..."Mom, not that this would ever happen but just in case it does I want you to be ready. What would happen if you were pulled over by the cops and you can't talk to them? You would be like (and he moved his mouth without sound) and they would never believe you because it's just ridiculous. So what are you gonna do, you have to be ready ya know." He total thinks I am Top Cops material. God I love that kid!

Hah! There is more than one way to express yourself!

I figure if I won't be able to talk for awhile I might as well start blogging. I don't know if anyone will read it but at least it will suppress the urge for me to speak out loud. I can ramble through my keyboard and keep myself busy while trying to heal after surgery. Sooooo stay tuned, maybe something crazy will happen over the next 4 weeks and you will all get to enjoy it with me.